Dear Internet,
Yes, the title of this piece isn't all that snazzy or exciting, unless you know the context. But who needs context when there's the next video, the next meme, the next whatever, just a constant scroll of information and you might be missing out. Well you are, not because you aren't scrolling fast enough or long enough but because you aren't sitting there pondering the depth and breadth of whatever it is that has caught your eye in that particular nanosecond. This is why your life and personality and happiness are about as deep as the average Facebook post and perhaps why civilization itself is about to collapse. All the ancients looked to the aged for wisdom while in western society all the elders are mimicking the antics of those whose biggest life struggles are acne and being ghosted by that cute guy in third hour chemistry, which is why 'whiny teenager girl' is our national spokes-person (that was my name for this mediocre musician twenty years ago, but sadly she hasn't changed much and the appellation still applies).
Still here? Wow, see, miracles do happen! And that is why, lame title not withstanding, I am even writing this today. If you have any familiarity with my life and habits you may be aware that I can't eat wheat or ten thousand other things. Licorice happens to contain wheat. And despite my valiant efforts and fruitless internet searches, you can't make decent gluten free licorice at home, it is just taffy with the wrong name, corn starch will never replace wheat in a decent piece of real licorice, sadly one of my favorite candies and one I haven't eaten in years. But it isn't just that, it isn't celiac where I can skip the gluten and live my life happily ever after. It is a symptom of an invidious, insidious, and pervasive condition without name or treatment or cure. I have no energy. I eat the wrong thing I'm in gastronomical agony and everything hurts for three days. I can't eat in restaurants or at people's homes. I have to make all my own food from scratch and have about 5 things I can eat (gets very boring). I can manage it but I'm still sick, and then there is the emotional and social burden you carry.
People think you are lazy or selfish or uncaring. You can't hold down a job or play with your kids. The flowerbed is a mess because it hasn't been weeded in three years. You feel guilty, ashamed, terrified all the time. People with cancer and heart disease can be publicly acknowledged and allowed to be ill, but you don't even have a name for it, you bear it alone along with society's scorn. This has been going on for 15 years, a third of my life, over half my adult life. I hide it as best I can so many people don't even know I'm sick, just can't eat a pizza or something.
And then that something is gone. I'm a medical professional and I have no explanation that any of you practical atheists will believe. Many will scoff and say I was never that sick to begin with. Others will say it was the body healing naturally after years of careful living. Others will ask what supplement finally did the trick, which essential oil redeemed my life? All I can say is that it was a miracle. Now we'll have the spiritual healing whackos coming out of the weeds and asking what was said or done or what prayer lifted the curse or how did my faith become strong enough or what powerful shaman did the trick or how many days of fasting and prayer or which crystal or amulet worked the charm or who straightened my chakra or how did I become virtuous enough to be healed? And it was none of those things. It was a simple, biblical service with a little bit of scripture on the real biblical truth about divine healing. No intensifying music, no amens and hallelujahs, no outstanding faith or virtue, no big name healing diva, just a simple acknowledgement about what God says about healing.
Signs and wonders should accompany the preaching of the gospel, which is a really freaky thought to this modern western church that likes the idea of Jesus but is a little leery about encountering the supernatural. We want to make it about us, a big show, and if it doesn't work, well Joe didn't have enough faith. But really, God says He may or may not heal you, it has nothing to do with you, the healer, anyone's faith or virtue, and isn't available upon request. He can and will say no or wait. He told Paul 'My grace is sufficient.' And that was that. It is for His glory alone, and all the awesome music and chanting amens in the world won't change that, in fact I doubt He would deign to heal many in such an atmosphere since it is for someone else's glory.
And this service was just that. We had a brief teaching session then broke into small groups of 3-5 and prayed for one another. There was no lighting or fireworks, the blind man did not suddenly see. I felt encouraged and like I had just drunk some Mountain Dew and had a really weird craving for stuffed crust pizza (a big no no!) and that was it. Two days later we picked up a pizza on the way home and I had a slice. The next day I ate other stuff on my don't eat ever list and so forth for almost a week now. I also feel like I haven't felt in 15 years, I'm better at forty something than I was at thirty, energy wise. A miracle, pure and simple!
And no, it wasn't a gradual healing. I ate some cheese (like a bite) a few weeks ago, just wondering if my severe sensitivity had lessened after 5 years of no dairy, and I definitely felt that one in the morning. A few crumbs of wheat bread in my jelly left by an unwitting guest was enough to make me ill. I've tried various supplements and dietary changes and doctors and tests and nothing works. I can manage but that's about it, I'm not living just surviving. Until now. God flipped the switch and shut it down, that is all there is to it. And no, He didn't heal everything, just my gut/inflammatory issues, my joints are still shot, I have a cold, etc.
He's real, He's in control, He wants to help you, but He isn't a nicey-nice grandpa who just wants the kids to be happy and thinks they should be nice to each other. He has rules, expectations, and we need to come to Him His way. We can't just reimagine Him into our own image and think things will somehow work out, they won't. That lie is as old as Eden: 'Did God really say?' 'Be your own god!' 'What is he hiding, trying to keep you from having fun?' 'A loving god wouldn't do that!'
He's been patient, ever so patient, letting us live as we please, destroying one another and His world to boot. But He's still there, very much alive and real, and He's moving and active, even in this material age. He has opened the door, will you walk through or keep trying to cut a window through a stone wall with a toothpick?
Soli Deo Gloria!
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