The edge of the map

Back when the world was flat and people still used paper maps (somewhere between the advent of light and Google, probably sometime in the 80's) and before Columbus failed to stop to ask for directions, people did not know what lurked beyond the edge of the world and they feared it.  Was it a great, thundering waterfall that would bear you into oblivion?  Were there monsters warding secrets man could not know?  Were all the rest stops closed?  These questions haunted them, so they cautioned one another about going near the edge of the map and emblazoned the borders with serpentine monsters and the logo, 'here there be dragons.'  I don't exactly live off the edge of the map, but you can see it from here.  Down the road we have one of those deer crossing signs, except it has a dragon on it and says, 'next 30 miles.'  Well, yes this is all a silly story, but it is close to true, after all, I live 80 miles from the nearest Walmart.

So what am I doing in the hinterlands?  That's a good question and the same one I posed to God when my life was falling apart and it seemed like we were about to embark on this insane road trip.  But hold on, the story gets weirder.  I have my doctorate, I had a professional career, so why on earth did I marry a pastor?  That was another one of those, 'really Lord?' moments.  My life has been filled with such moments, as are all lives if we take the time to reflect, but it is just such kinks in the road that make life interesting.  Moses, Jeremiah, Gideon (just to name the first examples to pop into my head) all had similar doubts and God called them personally, so no wonder the rest of us mere mortals gape in astonishment when an unexpected call is placed upon our lives, the question is, will we answer?  I've dithered about, ignored it, done things my own way only to find myself doing what I knew I should have done at the first, but rather taking a long, tedious route to get there instead.  I have learned it is wisest just to answer the call, no matter how strange it seems at the time.

No, there were no bright lights or talking donkeys or visions of angels to guide my steps, I just knew I should do something and had to trust God for the rest.  I remember sitting on my couch in grad school, literally 'wrestling' with God, it was the only time I have ever had an experience quite like that before.  I had been to a gathering of friends to celebrate the upcoming wedding of another friend (I had been shanghaied into that as well, I was too 'busy' to go, but they kidnapped me and I went) at which I met a guy.  We had one date and I was pretty much ready to call it off (I think panicked is the word I am looking for).  I wasn't interested in a relationship, he was a pastor, I was a grad student with lots of debt, I was busy, I was…the excuses went on and on, but I knew I had to give it one last chance, go out with him one more time, that was it, nothing else was required of me.  Sigh, fine, have it Your way.  Nine years later we have a family and are living somewhere just slightly more civilized than Outer Mongolia.  I have my doctorate and now spend most of my days chasing after a person who sounds like a strange combination of Flipper and the Swedish Chef with a few random 'vroom' noises interspersed; I should have studied philology rather than medicine!  But life is good and I know there is a plan and a purpose in this, now if I could just learn to say a hearty 'yes,' rather than, 'but Lord!'

Of course I am not so pious that I can just drop everything and leave Ur of the Chaldeans without question or qualm, rather it took my whole previous life falling apart to make me even consider the change.  I lost my job, our health insurance was gone at the end of the year, we were living with my in-laws, I still had student loans to pay off…you want us to go where?  Okay, we'll give it a try but…silly child, will you never learn Trust?  I hope so, it would sure make life a whole lot smoother.