On finally 'getting' Easter

This Easter season has been especially poignant for me, just having figured out last summer that my whole childhood was a lie: a thin veneer of 'normal' over a literal hell of abuse and neglect, the worst part being I can't really discuss it with anyone without them thinking I'm overreacting or lying or trying to get attention or them being in complete disbelief.  I've had to mourn a lost childhood, the lost family/parental relationships of any sort, to address the emotional damage and dangerous thinking patterns/coping mechanisms I had learned over the years just to survive, and to grieve over the continued absence of any sort of extended family relationships or support, this doesn't just affect me, it also denies my children their grandparents…but that isn't what this post is about.  I never before entered into Good Friday and Easter truly understanding what it was all about, what was sacrificed and endured for my sake.  Yes, I had an intellectual understanding but this year I finally 'got it.'

I've seen 'The Passion of the Christ,' numerous times, I've read the stories times beyond count, but this year I finally understood.  We all want a God who understands us, but for the first time, I think I begin to understand God just a little.  He willingly left Heaven's glories for this: to live a peasant among mortal men, not just a poor man, but one whose birth was thought the result of sinful behavior which would mar his social status for life in that place and time.  But it wasn't just enduring the ignominies and sorrows attendant unto mortality, He then went and died the most hideous death imaginable at the time for crimes He did not commit, but worse, He felt at that moment what it was to be rejected by the Father for the sins of the world.  I have felt the agony of the rejection of mortal parents, what must He have endured for my sake?  What a terrible, wonderful thought!  That is the 'Good' in Good Friday: 'that God the Just was satisfied to look on Him and pardon me.'

How deep the pain of searing loss,

the Father turns His face away,

as wounds which mar the Chosen One,

bring many sons to glory.

~How Deep the Father's Love for Us~